i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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