I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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