wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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