Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and she was petting her beer can
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
