he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
