so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
