i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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