One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
