Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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