No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
