I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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