I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
