i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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