I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
