WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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