Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
