just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
