Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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