careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
