Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
