And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
