she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
