I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
