Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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