You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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