I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
