just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
