see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize