people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
