you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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