Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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