Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
