Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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