she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
