I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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