I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
