Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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