There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
