I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
