ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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