You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
