Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?