sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere