Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.