i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.