worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.