one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!