you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue