I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
