Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
