chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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