It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
