first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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