Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
