His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
