Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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