The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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