Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
