Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My pussy is not your playground.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
