She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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