Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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