i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
