Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
