just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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