Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
