I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
