I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
