Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize