you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize