It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
