You're completely useless in the revolution.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
