it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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