After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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