It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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