Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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