Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
