Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's even glitter on my cock...
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