rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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