she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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