its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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