found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
