I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
